Robot Chicken - The Emperors Phone Call

Song Rating: 8.41/10

Song lyrics:

Palpatine is sitting in his headquarters in Coruscant, talking to two advisors

[Emperor Palpatine]

Ha ha ha ha, so I threw the senate at him. The whole senate! True story.

[Mas Amedda]

Oh my god, that is so funny!

[Sim Aloo]

You made it [Milk from the carton in his hand] come out of my nose!

[Emperor Palpatine]

His phone rings

Go for Papa Palpatine.


You have a collect call from - [Vaders voice] Darth Vader.

[Emperor Palpatine]


Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! Hows my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the d**h Star? (f**!) Oh! [slams fists on his desk] (f**, f**, f**)...Whos they?! What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?! [sighs] Okay, okay, s-so whos left? Are you (sh**in) me? Well where are you? Wait a sec, youve been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like...feet wrapped in...leathery...burnt...bacon. [Holds phone away from ear as Vader obviously yells at him, Amedda looks shocked] Oh, oh, oh, Im sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port thats only two meters wide. That thing wasnt even fully paid off yet! Do you have - do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? [phone rings] Ah, hang on, Ive got another call. [switches line] What?! Im very busy right now!...Oh. Oh, we-well wherere they going? Oh. Alright, um, just get me a Turkey Club. Uh, Cole Slaw, I guess. I-Im not even gonna eat it. W-w-whatre you getting? [Amedda pats his knee as Aloo checks his watch] No, see, I-I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, Ill just stick with that. Okay, bye - wait, what? Oh, a Cherry Coke. Thanks. [switches back to Vader] Sorry about that. [sighs]...what? Oh-oh, just rebuild it? Oh, yeah, re-real (f**ing) original. And whos gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven foot two asthmatic a** back here or Im gonna tell everyone what a whiny b**h you were about Padamamay or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is!...Oh geez, hes crying! Heh, heh, heh...[Aloo and Amedda silently laugh]...Hey, hey, hey, hey, cmon. Cmon, dont do that. Just, just, look, ah, yknow, Im dealing with a lot of crap right now. Eh, d**h Star blown up by a bunch of (f**ing) teenagers, yknow? I didnt mean to snap. [Motions to guests a gesture of jacking off, showing Vaders gullibility] Oh, oh, j-just get back here. Okay, okay, bye. I-yeh-I...I love you too.

Date of text publication: 17.01.2021 at 23:31